Jolene
As the latest wave of COVID hit a lot of people, it included many of those I care about. I still sometimes get a bit post traumatic vibey, when I hear my close family and friends’ recent infection stories.
But more so, lately, I find myself wanting to shout from the rooftops: “YOU'RE NOT ALONE, DON'T GIVE UP!” and as often, “IT GETS BETTER!”
And, even when it doesn't feel better, there are still ways to MANAGE it and find healing and moments of JOY.
I also know everyone's experience is so individualized, which is why it's so unpredictable and scary.
I know that whispering internal voice too well,"It's too hard and hopeless, angry, saddening, frustrating, body shaming . . . “ And I know how isolating it feels and the trust and anxiety you may feel, when illness seems to go on and on and your body gives you contradicting messages.
I know this nagging voice so well because I have a very painful chronic pelvic pain condition, that shut me down in a similar fashion, just before I watched it happening to the world. I talk with that scared, doubting self, by saying "It's ok to feel down, just take breaks, don't get too far out in the sea for too long, because tides change, all the time."
As any good horror story goes, my started in autumn, my favorite season, around Halloween 2021.
I was risk adverse when it came to the pandemic. In fact, I still have yet to dine out and go to a movie theatre or concert since the pandemic started (also who wants to sit for that long with chronic pelvic that often anyways, lol).
And yet, I traveled back to New Mexico to visit my family. Between seeing them and soaking up the rich southwestern culture of my childhood, gazing up at the beautiful fall foliage in Santa Fe and rejoicing in the crisp air, I was feeling gratitude and so alive, for the first time in awhile. And,
There it was. The next day, I felt a scratchiness in my throat. It was so mild at first, I could almost attribute it to the seasonal shift and/or allergies.
My wife, an ICU/Pulmonologist doctor knew better. I was feeling guilty despite taking precautions, but she encouraged me to immediately do an at-home test.
I tested positive. Those two pesky definitive lines!
Thankfully, my prompt testing and isolation likely spared any of my loved ones from getting it. But I was in for a rollercoaster ride I couldn't seem to get off.
Then on Christmas Eve, weeks later, I was actually at my sickest and literally spent the night cancelling holiday plans and waiting in my car, to be seen at urgent care, as well as texting clients to cancel sessions, and family that I was too ill to respond to. Two weeks later, I took a 6-week leave from work. I had been really trying to work through it, but enough was enough and my body and privilege, fortunately gave me the time I needed to rest.
Throughout the entire winter and much of the spring, I was in a haze. Each time, I tried a normalized routine, I got kicked back with a myriad of symptoms that were worse, but mimicked the initial infection. I was grateful to have survived, but I really struggled with the prospect of moving forward feeling that way (emotionally and physically). And I am someone who already has a chronic illness and felt certain the experience made my learning curve a bit shorter and the process more familiar!
I'm now 9 months out and finally, I've really turned a corner in a very significant way and would say I've sustained a 75-85% recovery over the past couple months.
I wish I could give everyone the get out of jail, magical wand of healing powers, yet it's usually not one remedy, but a combination over time that yields success. I whole-heartedly believe to an almost annoying level that:
Sustained radical rest
Graded pacing: very slloooww, gradual, smart and delayed return to exercise
Having a good, albeit small support system
Time
The second booster (for whatever reason, cuz the first booster was tough)
Counseling/coaching
Acupuncture
Being in nature how I was able to
Pep talks
My emotional support dog
Adopting an anti-inflammatory diet
Not panicking (as to not trigger that sympathetic nervous system arousal)
Laughing my way through
Suzy Bolt's online group yoga for those with long Covid
Listening to others recovery stories
And maybe an ounce, ok gold bars in weight, of faith and tenacity really, really helped me.
I also didn't spend a lot of my energy pursuing medicalized centers and treatments, as grateful as I am for them, they were at capacity, required a PCR, took too much energy and ultimately didn't really exist for the type of care I personally needed.
I'm writing this feeling fairly well a lot of the time now, (despite my chronic pelvic pain), I'm more methodical and mindful in how I plan my day, but I would say I'm able to walk for a couple hours or do a short high intensity workout, without any or only minimal uptick in symptoms for a couple hours, as opposed to extreme response after even 15 minutes of walking that would put me out of commission for days. The tremors stopped, the migraines ceased, that complete fatigue faded, confusing brain foggginess lifted, the throat ear tightness/pain and hoarseness although still there sometimes, is No where NEAR what it was!
To the friend on the ledge of despair, I hope this story, pulls you back and gives you a newfound sense of hope and connection.
Best,
Jolene, Santa Cruz, CA
Update from Jolene: I’m going to Utah for my 40th to do some hikes, which would’ve been not possible before!
I just want people to get the message that healing is possible and love hearing this echoed on your page as well!